Growing up my sister and I witnessed my father beat my mother on a weekly basis, maybe twice a week; depending on what did not go right for him out in the streets. Vicious beatings took place so regular it became a Friday night or Sunday night norm. I had no idea that I was being traumatized.
My sister and I are a year apart, so we swore that we would tolerate a lot of things when we became adults - a man beating on us would not be one of them.
Today, that still stands some 30 years later no man has PHYSICALLY beat either one of us.
However, I do have emotional scars from my VERBALLY abusive ex husband (13 years divorced). I have a come a long way and I am doing a great job of managing my depression. My self-esteem took a while to find its way back to me, however, today I must admit that it (my self-esteem) is off the chart.
My progress and growth makes me proud, (what a struggle). STILL, there are times when, well let me say it like this - you know how a physical abuser could make his victim nervous just by raising his/her hand? Well some times I feel nervous around my ex for fear of what he might say to me. Only now I am able to graciously give it back to him. Yes, he still tries to tear a Sista' down.
NOW I understand where his anger comes from whereas, I did not understand why he would such vicious things to me when we were married.
NOW it is because:
I alone raised our children to be wonderful decent caring human beings.
I got a masters degree after we divorced while caring for our children without emotional or financial assistance from him. He refused to visit the children once we divorced (thought he was hurting me by not seeig them).
I alone purchased a house while the kids were younger, in order to provide them with a strong sense of stability. They were wonderful children and deserved the best that I as their mother could possibly give to them.
AND
I alone moved on without him and did DAMN well!
Remember -- "we as women create our own situations both good and bad."
My sister and I are a year apart, so we swore that we would tolerate a lot of things when we became adults - a man beating on us would not be one of them.
Today, that still stands some 30 years later no man has PHYSICALLY beat either one of us.
However, I do have emotional scars from my VERBALLY abusive ex husband (13 years divorced). I have a come a long way and I am doing a great job of managing my depression. My self-esteem took a while to find its way back to me, however, today I must admit that it (my self-esteem) is off the chart.
My progress and growth makes me proud, (what a struggle). STILL, there are times when, well let me say it like this - you know how a physical abuser could make his victim nervous just by raising his/her hand? Well some times I feel nervous around my ex for fear of what he might say to me. Only now I am able to graciously give it back to him. Yes, he still tries to tear a Sista' down.
NOW I understand where his anger comes from whereas, I did not understand why he would such vicious things to me when we were married.
NOW it is because:
I alone raised our children to be wonderful decent caring human beings.
I got a masters degree after we divorced while caring for our children without emotional or financial assistance from him. He refused to visit the children once we divorced (thought he was hurting me by not seeig them).
I alone purchased a house while the kids were younger, in order to provide them with a strong sense of stability. They were wonderful children and deserved the best that I as their mother could possibly give to them.
AND
I alone moved on without him and did DAMN well!
Remember -- "we as women create our own situations both good and bad."