Color Me Butterfly

My sister has been in an abusive relationship for 10 years... I just don't know what to do? Somebody, anybody, Help? Please!

Hi. I'm a survivor and I'd suggest your sister contact the DV Hotline at 800-888-SAFE

I am a survivor also and I not only believe that your sister can contact the DV hotline, but there are other options as well. For example she could go online and look up abusive organizations in her area and try to join one. She could also talk to a psychologist or someone that can help her develop a plan of action. Like if she wants to leave, there are people trained to help with that. Encourage your sister and give her support. The most important thing that a person can do for someone in a situation like this is to show love and listen to their problems. When she feels like it's time for her to make her move whatever it may be, be supportive and don't give up on her. Everyone wants to feel loved in times like these.

I was in an abusive relationship for almost 5 years. The one thing you should never do is abandon the person who is being abused. You may not understand why they stay in a relationship that is unhealthy but you should always give your love and support. I had my family abandon me because they just didn't understand why I just wouldn't leave. When you spend every day being told how worthless you are and threatened that if you leave or tell anyone that he would kill you. You start to believe him. Just trying to deal with every day task such as work and kids becomes overwhelming. Just trying to survive one day at a time consumes you. You never say anything that is right, you never do anything that is right. You wear the wrong clothes. You can't even look out the window of your car as you drive because your accused of looking at another man. You have no freedom...Add alcoholism on top of being an abusive man and you have a MONSTER that you know that when he tells you that he will kill you...YOU BELIEVE HIM! I don't know how many times I tried leaving but was in fear that he would find me. I was always looking over my shoulder. I would call my family for help but was told that I wasn't welcome until they were sure that I was done with the relationship. So not only was I being abused but I felt abandon by my family. Felt that I had no where to go. There would be times that I would pack my kids and sleep in my car until I was sure that he was either passed out from being drunk or had calm down and was in that stage of "his version" of remorse. This was my life for 5 years. Until I had had enough and knew I deserved better than this, my kids deserved better than this. I met a friend who would take the time to listen to me and not judge me and help me come up with a plan to leave. It was the hardest thing I had ever done even as I was filling out the paper work for an injunction my pulse was racing and I was trying to make excuses as to why I shouldn't do this. I then packed up my kids and left for the day. When I returned to the house I found that he was still there so I proceeded to the Sheriff's office who advised that they had not been able to serve him. I then mustered up the courage to go along with the police and have them serve him while I was present. IF looks could kill. His eyes were so full of hate and it scared me but I also turned around and looked at my children and was in fear that eventually he would start abusing them and I would not have been able to live with myself. For you women that are still in an abusive relationship there is help out there. I know that it is hard because you feel that everyone can look at you and tell that you are being abused or feel that they are judging you. But WE DESERVE BETTER...YOU DESERVE BETTER...Make a plan because you can't just get up and leave...You need money, a place to go...Search your local area for any assistance you can get...I'm now in a healthy relationship with a loving man who has been very sympathetic and very encouraging. Unfortunately not every story ends this way...Don't be a statistic...Life is too short...Live your life...Enjoy your children...Live free of fear...