Color Me Butterfly

Beginnings and endings form roadmaps for our life’s journeys.  Never are these roadmaps perceived as more critical than at the year’s beginning and end. We set out in the direction towards life’s possibilities, reignite our passion, and off we go in the wake of confetti and choruses of Auld Lang Syne.

I love to celebrate the New Year.  But I found that celebrating ‘change’ once a year wasn't enough to sustain lasting change.  It was too easy to detour my life’s path and say, "Well, maybe next year..."  The very essence of possibilities is to give yourself unlimited access to change - every hour, every minute, every second. 

Starts and stops on any journey are inevitable.  Sometimes, we allow these delays to turn into detours from our possibilities.  Because of this, our passion is all the more squelched, causing us to lose our drive, our self-respect, and – worst of all – the highest vision for our lives.
 
I decided that since there are 12 months in a year, I could renew my enthusiasm throughout the year.  I set aside a day or two in each month to regroup.  I continually refine my life’s path by meditating, journaling, reading and digesting motivational materials and positive self-talk.  As a result, I've begun to see my ‘stops’ as times to look in both directions for a bigger view; or to take a better route. My journeys have become more plentiful and maintainable.   Most of all, I've found that every detour doesn't have to lead to a dead end. 
 
My passion for possibilities has changed my perception of everything!  I currently have a dream career that is consistently leading to more dreams.  I accept the wonderful being I am as well as the acceptance and praise I receive from others.  I am more at peace when met with circumstances and confrontations that, at one time, would have pushed me into the nearest ditch.
 
When the ball drops in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, I know that my possibilities are endless all year round..  As I keep journeying and changing for the better, I graciously receive each one of them with passion. 
 
Rediik Harris-Hubert
Hastings, Florida

I remember past years when I continuously made "resolutions" as the year came to a close and the New Year was fast approaching.  I often said and heard others exclaim:  “This is the year for me.”  Let’s think about it:  Do we ever really accomplish our New Year resolutions?  Maybe some of us do.  But for the most part, by February some of us don't even know where the list is. 

As I was watching an inspirational television program recently, the topic of new year resolutions came up.  The speaker argued: ‘How can anyone start a new year resolution if their mindset is the same as the previous year?’  I thought - Wow!  That’s a great point.  He further went on to explain that before you commit to a resolution, your mindset – way of thinking – has to change.  Changing of the mindset is a precursor to setting a plan.  Although we may have good intentions, we cannot execute because our mindset has not changed.  We need a PLAN.  Not just good intentions. 
 
I believe the mindset concept can make all the difference.  I can remember wanting a new job.  I talked about it for months, even dreamed about it.  But I did not make a plan to do something about it.  I found all sorts of excuses not to apply – I don’t want to deal with new people.  There will be no more flexible work schedules.  Perhaps I don’t have the right skill set.  On and on I went.  I eventually changed my mindset, and reexamined my goals.  It worked!  I got that new job and I’m enjoying each new challenge it brings.

Making a plan is something that’s working in my personal relationships as well.   For years, I have been in an unhappy marriage.  I have struggled with a decision about my marriage and about my own happiness.  As I’ve matured, I’ve learned more about myself – my wants, desires, and what I need from a partner.  As I began to apply a plan to my personal life, I have come to terms with what I must do.  I decided that I must first make peace with myself and then with my husband.  Then I can go on to make a choice as to whether to stay in the marriage.  If I choose to stay, I have to forgive, be grateful for what I have, and resolve to make it work.  

Having a positive mindset is a component to any problem solving and new year resolution.  But as that inspirational speaker suggested . . .  have a plan, and not just good intentions.

Happy New Year!

Beth Walker
Chicago, Illinois

I separated from my second husband in 1999 and soon afterwards, found myself back in the dating world.  It seemed to have changed so much from the early eighties which was my last remembrance of ‘dating’.  Yet, if I wanted to enjoy companionship again, I had to make myself available for meeting someone worthy of my time and my energy. 

Growing into a young woman, I remember my mother repeating this mantra:  “Do not settle for just one boy - date and have fun!”  At age 36, I still struggled with dating for fun because I had this ‘date one-boy’ warped way of thinking.  Friends around me enjoyed playing the field and seemed to do it well.  I, on the other hand, had problems with being intimate with more than one man at a time.  And I am not talking about sexual intimacy. 

Webster’s dictionary defines intimacy as ‘marked by a warm friendship developing through long association’.  I had a hard time seeing the value of sitting across from, standing next to, or dancing with a man who would ask in essence “Can you cook?”  early in the game.  That seemingly familiar question had so much intimacy laden within it that it began to bother me. I’d hear it over and over again.  Yet the guys who asked would leave before they found out if I really could cook.  Because, honestly speaking, when you date … and you meet … someone nice … you begin to tingle… you know that giddy feeling inside … and before you know it … sometimes, you begin to cook… without even consciously realizing that the stove hasn’t reached the right temperature.

I was led to write the poem ‘Can You Cook?’ because of the honest place I took myself  about this question.  With my poetry, I unwrapped the seriousness behind the question that is asked by so many men with such carelessness.   ‘Can You Cook?’ helped me to come to terms with my definition of dating, what it means to me, and how I wanted to go about it.  My views haven’t changed since I was a teenager.  I accept I am still a one-man-at-a-time-woman.  However, I have learned to enjoy the company of another in the beginning without quickly becoming intimate.

I am thankful to God for the gift of poetry.   He placed in me ‘Can You Cook?’ to help me  understand the intimacy of really getting to know a person.  Metaphorically, it further reminds me to (1) listen intently for the purpose of all the questions asked during the early stages of getting to know someone; (2) remind myself to check myself when I feel that tingling feeling; and (3) be aware of what is happening before the two of us are standing in a kitchen ‘cooking’ before either of us are ready to ‘really burn’. 

I hope ‘Can You Cook?’ causes both men and women to look differently at really getting to know someone.  Building intimacy in the early stages of dating is the foundation for an incredible relationship!

Enjoy –

Angela Riddick
A Waterworks Production

================================

“Can You Cook?”

When a brotha’ asks, “Can you cook?”
especially when you haven’t cooked for someone in quite awhile!!!…

your knees … start to quiver a little,
asking yourself
will he be around long enough to experience the finest of finest
I have to offer

or will this be carryout?

will he pull up to the window
place his order quickly
not really surveying the menu

because … the fast, tasteless food he wants …or thinks he wants …
is before him
on a list
shining through neon lights
a few letters missing here and there
but just enough for him to
select, yet another tasteless meal?

or will he stay long enough to taste my cooking?

not just the clamor and clanging of my caphalon pots
but long enough to experience the finest woman he’ll ever know
a gem amongst jewels
a rare find
a breadth of fresh air!

Here’s a tip, hungry man

Don’t ask, “Can you cook?”

unless…
you plan on sticking around long enough to experience my cooking!

true … it won’t be carryout
and…
no, it won’t take less than an hour to savor
…if there is such a thing
but …
it will be wonderful
deliciously wonderful
the finest of finest, ever set before a King.

a Queen!!!

and yes, she cooks!

Empowerment through Poetry © 1999