Color Me Butterfly

Remember when you two first met? You both were on your best behavior. You could not wait until the next time you saw or heard from one another. You put forth your best effort to attract each other and you were so accommodating. It was the start of something special. You shared intimate conversations. You knew that this was your best friend. You knew you could always count on each other. You wouldn’t let anything come between you. You knew that this person was the one for you, and you both wanted to make a commitment to each other.

Now that you are together the relationship has changed. The excitement has worn off and you barely talk to each other anymore. Sure, you may have a beautiful home, and the bills are paid on time, but something is missing.

The biggest problems in relationships come when there is no give and take. When no one owns up to their faults. You should learn to swallow your pride, even if you’re right. You should learn to compliment each other and support each other’s decisions. Take time out to ask each other about your day at work. Recognize that you both have changed physically and decide to do something about it. After all, couples aren’t getting any younger, but staying healthy by eating the right foods and exercising can increase longevity in the relationship. Remember when intimacy was one of your favorite priorities?

Until you each can look in the mirror and see what has changed about you, you should never criticize the other. Answer this one question: What has changed about me in this relationship and how can I improve? If you answered this question truthfully, then you have some work to do. There’s no such thing as a “perfect relationship”. You will always go through your ups and downs, but in order to reawaken your relationship, you both must lead by example.

Women often say that men send mixed messages and confuse them about what they are looking for – what they really want. So what does a man really want?

A man wants to be loved.
A man wants to be appreciated.
A man wants to feel needed.
A man wants to be respected.
A man wants to be trusted.
A man wants to know that he can trust.
A man wants to protect his family.
A man wants a woman to be supportive.
A man wants a woman with a sense of humor.
A man wants a woman who won’t criticize or belittle him.
A man wants a woman who won’t raise her voice, shout and curse at him.
A man don’t want to be challenged.
A man wants to have fun, sometimes.
A man wants a woman who takes pride in her appearance.
A man wants intimacy.
A man wants his home to feel and look like a home.
A good man wants a good woman
And finally . . . A man wants his REMOTE CONTROL!

I can’t speak for all men, but I know that although we are very different, we all share one common thought – we all want a woman in our lives that will love, honor and respect us. We all want a soul mate. Even moreso, we all want a life partner.

From a man who loves and honors his woman, his wife, his life partner.
Chicago, IL

The flowers and chocolates are here.  It’s Valentines Day.  During this time, women, in particular, focus on relationships.  Many gleefully receive gifts and sincere adoration.  But the spirit of Valentine is not always amongst us when we take a serious look into our relationships.

Love is the highest vibration in the universe.  We all seek love in one way or another.  But the way some defines love keeps them in unhealthy situations and hinders them from making healthy choices.  Isn't love supposed to feel good?  Isn't love supposed to enhance you?  Isn't love supposed to build bridges instead of walls?
 
Making a decision to move on is sometimes not easy.  But isn't it harder to stay in an unhealthy relationship - a relationship that can make you mentally, emotionally, and physically sick?  A relationship that spiritually bankrupts you?  If there are children, what kind of environment is that for them?  Is staying in an atmosphere filled with tension healthy for you or your children? 
 
And then there's the man.  Some women have ideals about what they want in a man instead of examining who he really is.  This fantasy pales over time and becomes a frustration.  How do you know that you are not holding him back from a lesson he must learn through you?  Accepting ‘unaccepatable’ behaviors in a relationship is not love - it's YOU not loving yourself.  YOU living in denial.  YOU substituting something else for ‘real substance’.  
 
I'm all for trying to work out things with your man.  But some women define 'working things out' as just staying while the man remains the same, while you keep wishing and hoping that things will change, that he will change.  Restoration in any relationship takes communication, honesty, respect and, most of all, it takes two!  If that is not happening in your relationship, maybe, you're the one that needs to change - change your mind about what's real and what's not - change your definition of love - even change your definition of life because a life with words but no action is no life at all.  And, it certainly isn't love.  Love is a verb.  Love is how you want to be treated; how you deserve to be treated; and most of all, how you allow yourself to be treated.
 
What's love got to do with it?  Love has EVERYTHING to do with living our healthiest, happiest, fullest, and most fulfilled life.  But if you find yourself always complaining to everybody else about your man, maybe, he AIN'T the man you deserve.

Constance Hemsley
Los Angeles, CA
 

Our lives are not meant to be lived alone.  Our hearts are meant to be connected.  From our families to friends; acquaintances to coworkers; neighbors across the street to near strangers across an airplane aisle—we are constantly in search of a connection -- to build bridges, move our lives forward and maintain a sense of emotional peace.  But of all the connections sought, none is more complex than the search for a ‘soul mate’.
 
For some, searching for a soul mate has involved a lot of poor choices, poor outcomes, and broken hearts.  They jump in and out of relationships searching for that ‘special one’.  Some isolate and refrain from dating at all for fear of being hurt again.  
 
Our hearts can be our strongest ally guiding us to a soul mate.  But first, we must follow the greatest guideline of all - we must learn to love ourselves before we search for love in someone else.  We must learn to worship ourselves first.  We must learn to honor ourselves first.  We must learn to respect ourselves first.  We must buy those diamonds for ourselves first because we are worth every penny! 
 
It is necessary that we become our own 'soul mate'  to attract a soul mate.  By treating ourselves how we want and deserve to be treated, we give our heart more wisdom – a wisdom that radiates and draws our true soul mate to us.  Our true soul mate will worship us.  Our true soul mate will honor us.  Our true soul mate will respect the fact that we buy ourselves diamonds and will treasure us all the more.

So, for those of you who are in search of a soul mate, keep searching within.  Partner with your very best self.  Fulfill your wants, needs and desires.  Develop your passions and all that brings you joy.  Most of all, remember that the love of your life looks back at you in the mirror everyday.  Embrace her!

Charlotte Graham
Birmingham, AL