Why Did I Get Married?
Nothing has quite jarred my curiosity as much as a question I’ve asked myself of late. It’s a question that has sometimes haunted me in the wee hours of the morning when I lay awake wondering what my life could have been. A question that goes against all that society claims should be a woman’s fate. A question that I am sometimes ashamed to ponder for fear that the answer may reveal a truth that I am not ready to bare.
Why Did I Get Married?
Never before has this question chipped away at me and pinched a nerve in ways that I never knew possible. Especially after I recently learned about and later saw Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married? This movie exude every kind of relationship drama that exists in marriages today. The buildup of drama that’s often ignored until we find ourselves fighting over the crystal plates that Aunt Anna gave to us on that day of bliss.
Who knew?
As I lived what I thought was the American Dream – husband, two kids, debt – I remember the first time I knew I had to be honest with myself: My husband and I had just had our second child. Our lives changed drastically with the caring of two small children, mounting bills and stress beyond what I’d ever imagined. Then one day my husband turned to me and said I’m not happy. He went on to tell how he didn’t sign up for this, as if our marriage license had a nonparticipatory clause that said he could disengage from anything, at any time. This man was supposed to be my life partner! And although I nearly broke into pieces, I must be honest and reveal that it was his words that got me to thinking along the same lines.
Why Did I Get Married? I longed to know the answer to this question. Was it because I was pressured into it because of what society has carved out as the American Dream? Was it because of my friends who were quickly delving into marital bliss and I didn’t want to be a lone ranger? Was it because I was too afraid to face my fears of growing old alone? Was it because ever since I was a little girl, this was something that was drummed into me? Or, was it simply because I truly loved this man and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him?
It wasn’t until recently that I have been able to muster up the courage to admit the answers to these questions. The answer came to me one lowly evening. I lay with my back to my husband, against the cold night and regurgitated the truth – through streaming tears and pain. I’d gotten married for all of those reasons, but above all – because I truly, unconditionally, emphatically loved this man! And it is for that reason that I have vowed to find the fortitude to keep my marriage and my family intact.
Oftentimes, we as women, can’t help but ponder our life’s journey. We long to know if there is something more that propels us to question what we have. We all want to find that white picket fence. Well, I’ve found 'my fence' and am grateful for it. It’s now up to me to strengthen it, paint it, and sustain it.
Margaret James
Miami, Florida
L.Y. Marlow
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Reader Comments (3)
Why did I get married? That may just be a rhetorical question.