Color Me Butterfly

It should come as no surprise to us that women are physical, emotional creatures.  Our self worth is oftentimes defined by our emotional intelligence.  Well, in some cases, it’s emotional unintelligence – an intelligence that sometimes makes us put others first before we put our own well being first.

I say this not to judge or come across as being better than any other woman; but because I am part of the we.  I have lived and learned a life by experience.  A life where my self worth was wrapped around someone else.  A life where I often ignored my own needs in lieu of the needs of another.  A life where I have found myself stuck in the perils of an abusive relationship.  I certainly can attest to the ‘L’ word – I”ve loved, I’ve lost, and I’ve learned . . . the hard way.

In the better part of my life, I found what I thought was ‘love’.  I’ve been in relationships where I’ve experienced every kind of ‘love pain’ that one could imagine.  I’ve been slapped, punched, kicked, thrown, and made to feel less than an ant.  I’ve been at a place where self worth wasn’t even a word in my dictionary.  Self what?  I often wondered.  There was no ‘self’ anything.  Just a broken young woman who hid her bruises and her shame.

Oftentimes, the ‘L’ word comes at a price.  It is a ransom that has the power to break a woman’s body and soul in half.  A ransom that we sometimes are willing to pay for the sake of love.  Or at least what we’ve convinced ourselves love is.  It took me many, many, many years to find my self worth and once I took the time to pick up and mend the broken pieces within me, it was at this point that I was able to find ‘true love.’  You see . . . the ‘L’ word is more than about that wonderful fuzzy feeling we get in the deepest places of our heart.  It’s more than about feeling a tickle of lust.  It’s more than just about having ‘a man’.  It’s about learning to love and value YOU first and when you learn to love and value you first, then you will undoubtedly find the true ‘L’ word.  A word that is deserving of YOU!