Bloghttp://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/en-US2010-03-19T15:35:49ZSquarespace Site Server v5.9.3 (http://www.squarespace.com/)My Life . . . My Joy . . .http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2009/1/3/my-life-my-joy.htmlL.Y. Marlow2009-01-03T16:20:59ZI am ecstatic about 2009! With the onset of a new administration, the writing of my new novel, the launch of the Saving Promise Campaign brand, some personal goals I’ve embraced like learning to play the saxophone and taking a dance class, I am elated about what this year holds for me; and I can’t wait to get started.

Instead of embarking on a new year’s resolution, I’ve decided to try something different. My difference? To just live the life I want and not allow it to get sidetracked by a bountiful resolution that dissipates over time. If there is anything that I have come to understand at this stage of my life...it’s that life is too short and I must embrace and live it to its fullest.

In past years I’ve had my share of disappointments, setbacks, struggles, and pain; and each of those experiences served as a lesson learned –a lesson that has taught me that there is nothing worth sacrificing my joy. I’ve come to know that joy is priceless. It’s not a ‘big house’, a ‘fancy car’, a ‘diamond ring’... bling—the kind of bling that society tells us we need. Joy is simply a deeper understanding and form of happiness. It is nothing short of embracing what little time we all have left on this earth and honoring it.

Richard Wagner once said: “Joy is not in things, it is in us.”

Though we sometimes misconstrue this three letter word by allowing people, places and things to define it, we must be reminded of what true joy is. We must define our own joy.
My joy? There is nothing more important to me than just being able to hone in on and appreciate every facet of my life—whether it’s the air I breathe, the food I taste, a chapter I write, the man I love, a life I touch—it’s about honoring every matter, every moment, every morsel.

There is no greater word in our vocabulary, our hemisphere, our lives than the word joy. It is a word full of meaning, emotion, life. It is a word that can not be replaced by filling our lives with people and things that don’t really meet our deepest needs. It is a word that so many of us are in search of, but can not find. It is a word that we must embrace and honor if we are ever to live our truest lives.

]]>Believe in 'Love'http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/12/4/believe-in-love.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-12-04T00:22:19ZThere is no greater power of kinship, connectedness and affection than the power of Love. Love is the one constant in our universe that crosses all barriers, all cultures, all our lives. It represents a range of human emotions and experiences. It is diverse. It is complex. It is romantic. It is passionate. It is unconditional. It is madness. It is kind. It is infinite. It is Love.

You have the power to experience every facet of love—romantic love, companionship love, family love, spiritual love. Your heart has the propensity to give and receive immeasurable love. If you’ve given up on love, begin today to believe that love is possible for you, that you deserve to be loved—loved in ways that honors your wholeness—body, mind and spirit. Remember: love is the guidepost to our deepest self. Without love, we are a formless soul unable to connect to the very thing that gives our life meaning.

When your heart has been broken, your trust betrayed, your spirit crushed, and you’ve written off any possibilities of ever loving again, don’t go there. Don’t deny yourself the one thing that has the power to move mountains. Maybe you’ve been hurt, or maybe you come from a loveless family, or maybe you just don’t know how to love. Use those transgressions to strengthen and gain a deeper sense of self-love and compassion. You must escape the emotional bondage that has kept you from believing in love. You must rise above your circumstances. You must forgive those who have hurt you. You must let go of any ill-feelings. You must Believe in Love.

You deserve all the love your heart can hold. Don’t make the mistake of letting past transgressions or wrongdoings become ingrained in you. Don’t become conditioned to longing for less, living less, loving less.

I, for one, believe in every facet of love. I not only believe in it, I expect it. I try to surround my life with it. My greatest hope for me is to experience a love so deep that it leaves me breathless. Whether that love is self love, intimate love, spiritual love, or love of family.

There’s a song entitled ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?’ The answer? Everything. So what are you believing for today? I can only hope—LOVE.

]]>Be Grateful for You!http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/11/26/be-grateful-for-you.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-11-26T23:17:03ZThere is no greater gift than the gift of gratitude. Gratitude is the most powerful force in the world. When we are grateful to God or to another human being, our lives are enriched, transformed. We become a magnetic force, attracting all things good into our lives—grace, abundance, happiness.

Gratitude improves every facet of our lives. Our emotional health. Our physical health. Our relationships. Our communities. Research has shown that gratitude is not merely a “giving” emotion, it can also change our lives. For example, in a recent study, those who maintained a weekly gratitude journal reported fewer physical ailments, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about their future.

Many of us constantly complain about what’s not right in our lives. We see the negative in every situation and then wonder why our lives are not fulfilling, fraught with bad circumstances, why we never get ahead. It’s because we have an ungrateful heart—we take our lives for granted.

Whenever you’re about to complain about your life—whether you have a job you don’t like, an old car, a small savings account or no savings at all—learn to appreciate and give thanks for what you do have.

We need to celebrate Thanksgiving every day. Give thanks for or keep a gratitude journal of all the things you are grateful for: I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my work. I am grateful for my dreams. I am grateful for the air I breathe, the food I eat, my health. Regardless of how big or small, the more you view life as a gift, the more you will come to appreciate it and your life will multiply.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for every aspect of my life. Words cannot describe the joy I have for everything that breaths life around me—whether it’s my health, my family, my friends, my work, the roof over my head, the air I breathe, the eyes that make a way for me to see, the ears that wraps around sound. There is not one single thing that I am not grateful for.

Gratitude is not just an attitude. It’s a lifestyle. It opens our hearts to the possibility of touching the lives of others. It reaches the pinnacle of life’s sacred force—joy. When we are grateful and give of ourselves, we experience the plateau of all that life has to offer.

This Thanksgiving, give thanks for every aspect of your life. Gratitude is, after all, the core to true happiness!

]]>A Clean Slatehttp://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/11/20/a-clean-slate.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-11-20T22:55:21ZThroughout my life, I’ve found myself in situations that would just sometimes smash any ounce of joy I had. When I was in the thick of it, and my valley seemed low, and the road seemed too narrow and long, oftentimes, I was so ready to give up—wave the ‘red flag’ and surrender. But the interesting thing is that when I finally found the courage to stand up, dust myself off and move on, it was in those moments that I realized that what I thought was the worst time in my life, what I presumed to be the ‘end all-be all’, wasn’t that bad after all. In fact, it made me better.

So many times I’ve been there. So many times I thought it can’t get no worse. So many times I was ready to duck my head in the sand and breathe. But somehow, after 40+ years, I’ve learned to embrace those times and chalk them up as life lessons. I once heard someone say, if you expect a ‘big’ life with ‘big’ things and ‘big’ joy, then you must also expect ‘big’ drama and ‘big’ problems. You can’t think big, dream big, be big and not expect to have big life lessons.

Life may occasionally knock us down, but we must not allow ourselves to stay down. We must find the courage to get back up, strike a clean slate and move on. There was one very personal experience that has taught me this life lesson time and again. A few years back, I’d discovered a lump in my breast—a lump that I now refer to as my Saving Grace. You see, had it not been for that lump, I would have never found the courage to embrace my true life’s passion and purpose—to write Color Me Butterfly and to become a fortress in the fight against domestic violence. That lump that I once thought was intrusive, invasive and alarming, actually turned out to be the match that lit my torch. Had it not been for that lump, my voice, my greatest gift and joy, could have never come to life.

The idiom for a clean slate says: If you start something with a clean slate, then nothing bad from your past is taken into account. Effectively a clean slate means that you erase all that past stuff.

I so believe that. Not only do I believe, I often practice it in every facet of my life—from my promises to myself, to my commitments to others, in my relationships with my friends and family. Most of my family and friends (there are a few exceptions—smile) that will tell you that if I’ve put my word and heart on the line and promised that all is forgotten and forgiven, then by all means, it’s a clean slate. I do this not only to appease them, but more importantly, to honor me.

I believe that life is too short to live in the past. Life is too short to stress over what could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. Life is too short to not embrace every day as though it were your last.

Next time you find yourself at a crossroad, whether it’s a poor decision you made, a relationship gone bad, a medical issue, a job problem, a family issue—do as that idiom suggests—get up, dust yourself off, and strike a clean slate. After all life is too darn short. What do you have to lose?

]]>Real Change . . .http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/11/14/real-change.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-11-14T16:08:02ZI can’t even begin to describe what I felt the moment it was announced that Barack Obama had been elected President of the United States. Every cell in my body exhaled a breath that literally left me breathless. The first emotion that traveled through my body, mind, heart and spirit was nothing short of sheer awe.

Barack Obama doesn’t just represent history as the first African American to be elected, he represents something even more profound. He represents change—real change. A kind of change that is not only wanted but desperately needed. We are living in unimaginable times. A time where many of us are unemployed, homeless, without healthcare, without the basics to carry on from one day to the next. 

When I trail the grocery store, roam the mall, hang out at Starbucks, every pair of eyes I encounter seems to carry that same look—emptiness. It is as though we’ve all lost something—be it our job, our home, our joy. These past eight years have been littered with so much chaos, war and loss; and have been nothing short of utter havoc. I don’t care if you’re white, black, brown, yellow, blue or green; democratic, republican, independent or rebellious—it doesn’t matter... we all need change!

What is it that Barack Obama represents for me? He represents change. He represents hope. He represents courage. He represents the future.

Barack Obama not only forces me to think about what is it I can do... but what is it I cannot do...!

]]>Face to Face . . .http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/11/6/face-to-face.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-11-06T20:27:33ZThis past weekend, I had one of the most defining, humbling moments of my life. My mother, daughter and granddaughter Promise came to spend some time with me. Although my daughter is 24 years old, she and I still, at times (when she’s not being rebellious) enjoy snuggling in the same bed like we did when she was a little girl.

As my daughter lay across from me with little Promise between us, there was a moment when the light was dim, and the quiet covered us and her eyes were closed, that I looked over at my daughter and Promise and saw my face in her face; and her face in Promise’s face. I should also mention that my mother lay across the hall and I’m sure her face was turned towards us. There we were four generations fold, face to face, sharing a moment marked in time.

I can’t even begin to describe how that moment felt. Especially when I think back on all that my mother, myself, my daughter and Promise have been through. To think that all of us have been in abusive relationships is profound.

As I lay face to face with my daughter, I couldn’t help but think back on a time when she was a little girl. I couldn’t help but conjure up all the hopes and dreams I’d had for her, and still have. I couldn’t help but wonder how such a beautiful face could have gotten tangled up in a relationship that scarred her. I couldn’t help but wonder what her future holds.

I often ponder how many other mothers and daughters lay face to face—sharing a moment marked in time—her eyes your eyes, her nose your nose, her pain your pain, her hopes your hopes, her dreams your dreams.

So many mothers and daughters do not take the time to lay face to face, and share. I mean really, really share. Just before my daughter shut her eyes, we talked just about any and everything. It was so surreal to lay nose to nose, our faces bare in truth and honesty and love. Even little Promise, who lay snoring between us, was touched by the moment.

My greatest hope? Is that my mother and I, my daughter and I, my daughter and Promise will always make time to lay face to face. We will always be bare faced in truth. We will always be bare faced in honesty. We will always be bare faced in love. And, we will always tell each other: your face is beautiful!

]]>Are You In Your Own Way?http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/10/22/are-you-in-your-own-way.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-10-22T22:44:01ZToday, I had the most enlightening and exhilarating conversation with a Life Coach who will remain nameless. He said: We are responsible for 85% of our own dysfunction and invite much of our own unhappiness. When I thought about what he said, I mean really pondered it... It was like a starburst of clarity.

His words forced me to think about the countless situations that have led to my greatest displeasure, disjointment, dysfunction. And when I really think about it... hold myself accountable, much of the ‘drama' in my life was caused by choice. I had chosen, whether deliberately or not, to be in that place. Whether 'that place' was an unfulfilling job, an unhealthy relationship or any number of unhappy circumstances.

This past Spring Oprah selected ‘A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose' as her book club pick. Not only did she select this book, but she hosted a series of collaborative sessions with the author, Eckhart Tolle--the first of its kind. I not only read the book, but tuned it. Much of what Eckhart teaches was exactly what that life coach said to me: Our ‘egos' get in the way of our own happiness. We, he described, are responsible for our own dysfunction.

I am so intrigued by this stuff because I, too, at times have gotten in my own way. I've come to understand, though not always obvious, that I have the power to control every moment of my life. And I am grateful to have reached a state of consciousness that allows me to assess every choice, every decision, every action. The bottom line: if something don't look right, don't feel right, or invites havoc, I let it go.

It is a modest but profound truth: Happiness is a choice. How you choose to shape your life is up to you. You cannot always shape people or events, but you can shape YOU...

]]>A Time for Change . . .http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/10/9/a-time-for-change.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-10-09T19:16:14ZOctober is Domestic Violence Awareness Month . . . a time when victims, survivors, advocates, practitioners and community come together to celebrate and raise awareness.

Though I am always honored to participate, I do however, have mixed feelings. Why? Because I believe that at the rate at which domestic violence is plaguing our society, having become one of the most serious family issues of our time, domestic violence awareness needs to be celebrated every day. If we are to ever put a stake—drive a wedge right through the heart of this epidemic, then we must heighten our focus! Domestic Violence Awareness Month needs to be January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November and December. Heck, if we can find a way to add another month to the calendar to celebrate it, I say LET’S DO IT!

One thing that I am encouraged by is the launch of my Saving Promise – A Million Promises for Change Campaign. The focus of the campaign is to garner 1 million signature pledges and 1 million stories to take along with me to Congress to present proposed policies for new legislation. The campaign proposes such changes as stricter restraining order policies, mandatory counseling for batterers, more rights for victim’s families to intervene on behalf of a victim, child's life protection, a national behavior and support hotline for batterers, further training for law enforcement agencies and personnel, and programs to raise awareness in public and private schools. Additionally, we are planning a March on Washington entitled A Promise for Change with the goal of having 1 million in attendance.

If ever there is a time for change – it’s now!  We are in dire straights and we cannot continue to teeter along with this issue. If we don’t begin to take more severe action, we will fail so many… and lose so many in the midst of it all.

My greatest hope? Is to put a small dent in the landscape of domestic violence; that domestic violence will not be celebrated one month a year, but every day of the year; that we will come to realize that now, more than ever, is the time for change—real change.

]]>In Her Words . . .http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/9/29/in-her-words.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-09-29T14:42:00ZOf all the words I wrote in the 422 pages in Color Me Butterfly, there is one line that touches me in ways I can’t begin to describe. Those are the first words in my Author’s Note. They say: “The fondest memory I have of my mother was the day she kissed me, said she loved me, and encouraged me to let go of the pain.”

Why are these words most dearest to me? You would have to know what followed to understand why. I went on to say . . . “I remember this day not because of the finality of my sister’s death. Not because I would have never expected to see my mother crying over a closed casket that contained the remains of my youngest sister’s dismembered body. And not because my sister’s death was a result of her having taken her own life. I remember this day because it was the only time I ever remember my mother kissing me and saying three words: I Love You.”

My eyes just became misty as I wrote these words again. . .

Though it’s been almost twenty years, still there is one thing about that day that is as vivid as this morning’s sky. It’s not the crippling pain from the loss of my sister, or the years that followed. No, that’s not it. What I remember most of all is my mother’s lips touching my cheek and saying words that brought me to my knees… literally.

This past weekend I had the honor of being a featured guest with Flavor of Chandler Book Club in Arizona (a wonderful group of women). The discussion was intriguing and moving, to say the least. However, there were two women who really softened my heart. One was a woman who went on to express the deep bond, love and respect she and her daughter has; ‘we are best friends’ she went on to say. And the other was a young woman named Amber (Hello Amber) who not only talked about how reading Color Me Butterfly moved her, but made her realize the sacredness of her relationship with her own mother. Amber, to be so young, spoke so eloquently about the need for mothers and daughters to have an open, loving and close relationship.

As a daughter whose life changed as a result of my own mother’s words; and as a mother of a soon to be 24 year old daughter, I understand the power of words. The power it has as to whether she chooses unhealthy vs. healthy relationships; drug and alcohol vs. sobriety; promiscuity vs. celibacy; oblivion vs. education; self destruction vs. self confidence.

I suppose my story is the story of many. Many mothers and daughters who have or have not shared words. And in today’s everso changing world, our words are all the more important. It took only three words to change my life; and I’d like to believe that it can take the same to change any number of lives.

In its rogue simplicity, the power of words can be undeniably life changing. And if we don’t honor them; don’t share them; don’t embrace them, they can become the fork in a lowly road. 


]]>Living on Purpose . . .http://www.colormebutterfly.com/blog/2008/9/18/living-on-purpose.htmlL.Y. Marlow2008-09-18T21:42:47ZI once heard someone say, “A life without purpose is no life at all.” Imagine that. A life where you’re roaming aimlessly without direction, substance or meaning. A shallow, empty life.

This is the reality for many whom have gotten swallowed by life’s transgressions. Settling for mediocrity. Limiting their beliefs. Ignoring their authenticity. Sacrificing their joy. Living a meaningless, scripted life.

Why? Because many of us are unclear about our true life’s purpose. We don’t understand it. We mislabel it. We overlook it. We ignore it. We misuse it. We abuse it. We spend so much time chasing other stuff that by the time our true life’s purpose shows up on our doorstep, we’re too exhausted to welcome it.

Every soul has a divinely inspired purpose. The question is how do you discover it? How do you tap into it? How do you own it? You must be willing to look deep within. Become acquainted with your authentic self. Discovering your purpose begins with aligning your personal values with your authentic self — who you really are. What enlivens your spirit? What puts the fire in your belly? What brings you joy? 

I not only preach this mantra, I practice it. I didn’t discover my life’s purpose until my late thirties when I was working in Corporate America living what I thought was my American Dream—senior level executive at one of the most renowned global companies in the world, big house, fancy car, money.  I thought I had it all until I discovered that my all had me. The turning point came when I discovered my purpose: to use my voice, talent and experiences to Give Back… and Give Back Big...

It is never too late. It doesn’t matter if you’re 30, 45, 60 or even 80; there will always be enough life in you to live on purpose. When we tap into our purpose—our natural talents and gifts—our life is more fulfilling and rewarding. I love the saying: 'To have a purpose in life offsets any and all surrounding declines'. This, by all means, says it all. You can not have lived . . . if you’ve yet to live on purpose.

]]>