Color Me Butterfly

March is filled with Madness!
I’m not referring to the madness we all so adore watching the greatest and brightest college teams scour up and down the court at a chance to take first place in the NCAA basketball tournament.  The madness I speak of is one that is not so pleasant . . .  and is one that unfortunately goes unnoticed and becomes news… at the final hour.  What March Madness am I referring to? you wonder. . . The madness that was splashed across our television screens and radio airwaves about  how on March 4th, 38-year-old Latez Cornell Cooper drove to the home of his estranged wife in Largo, Maryland and shot his wife, shot and killed his wife’s sister, and shot and killed himself.  The March Madness I speak of is how on March 5th, Stephen Grant confessed to strangling, dismembering and placing portions of his wife’s, Tara Grant’s body in a wooded area near their home in Michigan.  The police found a torso in the couple’s garage believing it to be that of Tara’s.  The March Madness I speak of is how on March 15th, 19-year old Tynesha Stewart, a Texas A&M student who’s boyfriend, Timothy Wayne Shepherd, strangled, dismembered and burned her body on a patio grill down to merely nothing.  The March Madness I remember is how on Tuesday, March 27th, the police were searching for a motive in the deaths of four young children who’s remains were found in the family’s townhouse in Frederick, Maryland, along with the hanged body of their father, Pedro Rodriguez, and a missing mother.  When asked if police believed their father killed them, the Frederick police spokesman replied “You’ve got four dead people, and a guy that hung himself.  That leads you to one possibility.” 

What March Madness?  The real March Madness.  The madness of how women are dying.  The madness of how our children are dying.  The madness and pace at which Domestic Violence is on the rise.
 
These four horrible, horrible, horrible incidents only touch the surface of a reality that is so often not talked about or quite frankly ignored.  Last week, I presented the “Hushed Side of Domestic Violence” in which I discussed the need for us to speak up and speak out.  Just imagine the change to these victims’ lives if only their news could have become ‘news’ before they were all brutally slain.  Why does it take this ‘madness’ to get the attention of our media, to make the 11:00 news.  Wouldn’t it be more noble to report about a survivor; then a slain victim.   

This year’s March Madness is marked not only by a favorite pastime; but by the legacy of the victims whose names and stories deserve to be remembered.

Nowadays, I don't think that there's a single day that I don't turn on my television, tune into my radio, glance at the internet, or skim the paper, that I don't see or hear yet another incident of domestic violence.  It's soon becoming a daily occurrence, one that is often ignored until we hear about a victim being doused in gasoline, shot in the face, or her dismembered torso found in her own garage.  This, unfortunately, has become the 'Face of Domestic Violence.'  And unfortunately, it is soon becoming our next Hornet's Nest. 

I'd like to open the dialogue about the 'hushed' side of domestic violence.  Quite frankly many just refuse to “talk about it."  It's grossly ignored in our communities, in our churches, in the workplace, and in our own families.  Most just either are unwilling to acknowledge that it's fast becoming an epidemic or just believe that if we just don’t talk about it then it will simply vanish into thin air.

The one certainty that we must all come to terms with is that domestic violence is not bias.  It exists in every culture, every community.  It crosses all ethnicity and creed.  It makes no apology for whom and where it strikes.  Its face exists everywhere, in everyone's.  I'd go as far to say that the vast majority of families have experienced some form of domestic violence... whether they will admit it or not.  Somewhere, somehow, someone is being abused in each family -- perhaps not physically or sexually, but maybe emotionally or psychologically. 

Just recently I was running late for an errand and had just picked up lunch at a sandwich shop.  As I was walking to my car, out of the shadows, a woman approached me.  At first, she startled me because she just seemed to have come out of nowhere.  Her words...  "Excuse me Miss, but can I bother you for a ride? I just need to get to somewhere nearby."  The nearby that I'd soon realized was the Amtrak train station just a few miles down the road.  At first my antennas were raised because I thought that this was an odd request, especially nowadays when our world is lurking with so much danger.  Then as I was just about to answer her, she suddenly turned and pointed to a nearby set of luggage.  Having come from a family whom has experienced 60+ years of domestic violence, I immediately recognized the signs -- the 'brokenness' in her face, the 'terror' in her eyes.  Clearly this woman was on her way somewhere, trying to get away from someone; and she had finally summoned up the courage to escape.  It was immediately clear to me that she had been living in a ‘hushed’ situation since she apparently had not reached out to her own family and friends, but would rather stand in front of a sandwich shop and beg strangers for a ride.  Nonetheless, for her, Today was to be the ‘Day’. 

Another 'hush' that I'd like to explore is the fact that men are victims too.  Research consistently shows that women are as aggressive and/or initiates domestic violence as much or sometimes more often than men;  that women are more likely to use weapons than men; that 38% of injured victims are men; and that men are more likely to be victims in dating violence.  But because men are less likely than women to report it or seek the help they too so deserve, this is an issue that has grossly been 'hushed' or just simply ignored. 

Domestic violence is a widespread, international problem.  If we are going to effect real change, I mean REAL change, then we must break the silence and uncover the realities about domestic violence.  With the number of domestic violence cases revealed each day, no longer can we afford to keep it “hushed.”  We MUST open up the dialogue, create an open door policy and embrace a culture that is willing to be honest and talk about it. 

Keeping it “hushed” only encourages it to fester and manifest at an alarming rate.