Color Me Butterfly

During her 10 year marriage to Tennessee Minister Matthew Winkler, Mary Winkler never told anyone about the bruises and sexual humiliation she endured.  “I stooped down to pick something up and he kicked me in the face,” she testified about one of the abusive incidents.  Charged with first degree murder, after her descriptive, horrifying and oftentimes shameful testimony, the jury of ten women and two men, this week, found Mary guilty of voluntary manslaughter; a sentence that carries a maximum three to six years of prison time, or possibly probation.

“He had really been on me lately criticizing me for things – the way I walk, I eat, everything.  It was just building to a point.  I was tired of it.  I guess I got to a point and snapped.”  Mary’s testimony is the testimony of many.  Those who shroud their humiliation and shame in silence; carrying a burden that is oftentimes more painful than the abuse; those who ‘take it’ until they can ‘take it no more.’ 

There has been much speculation about whether Mary’s verdict is fair, stiff enough.  Many may believe she deserves life in prison, if not death.  Many may believe that because she chose ‘silence’ that it gives her no right to claim abuse.  Many may think that she had no choice; that the abuse she endured justifies her actions.  Many may come to understand that no matter how long it’s silenced, abuse will eventually, somehow, in some way, surface and eventually lead to something.  That something came for Mary on March 22, 2006 when she picked up her husband’s 12 gauge shot gun.

Physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse was all present in Mary’s testimony of what she endured from her husband, Matthew – all of which are the most common behaviors in domestic violence; all of which – for many women – that which they have come to know as their lives – their normal. 

“I was ashamed.  I didn’t want them to know,” Mary finally said.  How many of us have said these very same words? Felt the shame that Mary had?  My one hope is that Mary’s story will not be in vain, become just another statistic; but instead, we as a society will learn from this experience and embrace a culture that makes it easier for one to come forward, speak up and get the help they so deserve.