Color Me Butterfly

A life with meaning and joy is something we all aspire to.  We invest our thoughts, energies and time into steps necessary to make this happen, to invest into our best life, to forge ahead.  These are the building blocks of our dreams.  But there are other blocks we sometimes encounter along the way, that can detain us, even thwart us completely – blocks of doubt and fear, blocks of naysayer, blocks of our own negative self-talk.  These are the blocks that hold us hostage in a life of mediocrity and unhappiness. 
 
I propose we begin looking at both positive and negative building blocks as apparitions for life and spiritual enhancement.  It is indeed, a matter of perception.  No, it is not an easy thing to do.  But if done, the negative blocks loose their power over us, our dreams are achieved and our quality of life is enhanced. 
 
People often ask me how was it that I was able to overcome a legacy of 60+ years of domestic violence and abuse, teen pregnancy, and all the other perils that stump our lives.  My response?  It took sheer diligence and perseverance, traits that I learned from my grandmother and mother – women although abused, still somehow managed to impart values that manifested and allowed me to overcome even the most bleakest and difficult moments of my life.

So many women, like I, encounter the worst that domestic violence and abuse has to offer.  And when I travel from coast to coast, my message is one that teaches self empowerment and perseverance.  I come from a school of thought that laments that no matter your circumstances, you have the power to overcome any obstacles.  You hold the gift to change your life.  Only you can keep YOU from moving forward.

I, for one, understand how bleak life can sometimes look when you’re wallowing in the pits of abuse.  I totally understand how it feels to have your self esteem, your self worth, your SELF, stripped away from you.  I know the perils that dampens your spirit and forces you to want to ‘give up’.  But I also know that there is nothing that can keep us from the life we deserve.  A life full of healing, good health, and happiness.

My life credo?  To always know that no matter your circumstances, you can change.  Take one breath at a time; one step at a time; one walk at a time.  YOU have the courage and the creed to persevere.  Do it!

March brings mixed feelings for me.  Why?  Because it marks the one year anniversary for Color Me Butterfly, and it is the month that I have chosen to launch the Saving Promise Campaign.

What is the Saving Promise Campaign?

The Saving Promise Campaign is a campaign which proposes policies that will strengthen current laws and advocacies, and create more safety networks to protect victims and their children from domestic violence and abuse.   Specifically, it proposes such changes as stricter restraining order policies, mandatory counseling for batterers, more rights for victim’s families to intervene on behalf of a victim, child's life protection, a national behavior and support hotline for batterers, further training for law enforcement agencies and personnel, and programs to raise awareness in public and private schools.

While I am not thrilled about the personal experiences that has led me to do this; I am thrilled about the possibilities that the Saving Promise Campaign can bring.  Coming from a family of 60+ years of domestic violence and abuse, I feel we have been silent for far too long in our families, our communities, our laws.  Laws that are at times unfathomable and laughable.

I’ve come to personally experience the breakdown in our laws when I recently learned that the man in my daughter’s life had tried to kill her and had also threatened the life of their baby girl named Promise.  I called the police, an attorney, a domestic violence agency to seek justice on behalf of my daughter and Promise and was met with the same news.  There was nothing I could do since my daughter was an adult.  My daughter would have to seek justice on her own.  Something my daughter was unwilling to do.  Something very common amongst domestic violence victims.

Well, they were right about one thing – my daughter is an adult.  But they were wrong about something else – there is something I could do.  I could fight to change laws!

I plan to collect 1 million signatures to take to Congress along with my proposed policies.  I believe that when you speak in volume, you WILL be heard.  Therefore, I ask you to join in the fight for change.  Help me Save Promise.  Help me Save Others.  Help me Save Lives. 

Please visit http://www.colormebutterfly.com/saving-promise-campaign/ to pledge your support.  Your voice just might save a life!

Something has struck a cord in me like no other.  A cord that has given me the courage to share my families’ story.  A cord that has given me the passion to want to help other women.  A cord that has given me a voice – a voice that can no longer be silenced.

Coming from a family of four generations (and counting), one of the most resounding questions I am always asked when I travel the country to share my story is:  How could this happen?  How is it possible that domestic violence and abuse can impact one family for four generations?  At first, I was not always able to answer this question… at least not without pause.  But over time, as I learned about my families’ history – our legacy – I’ve come to terms with why this is possible.  It’s possible because of one word:  SILENCE.

The SILENCE from my grandmother to my mother.
The SILENCE from my mother to me.
The SILENCE from me to my daughter.
And the SILENCE within my daugher.

It’s POSSIBLE for us all because of the silence.  Silence in our homes.  Silence in our families.  Silence in our communities.  Silence in our churches.  Silence in our schools.  Silence in our laws.

Back in the early 1940s had my grandfather know that his legacy would be passed down for four generations, I wonder . . . Oh, how I wonder, if things would have been different.  I can’t say.  But what I can say is that I have vowed to break the cycle of abuse in my family – to change our legacy – as a survivor, an advocate, a mother, a woman.

Recently, I was invited to the State Capital to speak at an event to memorialize those whom have died as a result of domestic violence and abuse.  As they read the names of more than 52 victims in the state of Maryland alone – many of whom were children – I could do nothing but pause, drop my head, and pray.  Pray that the silence would not prevail.  You can view the event that was aired on CBS at this link: http://wjz.com/local/domestic.violence.MNADV.2.645945.html

It is astounding to know that a woman is abused every 17 seconds.  At this very moment, somewhere in your very neighborhoods, maybe even your family, a woman is being abused, perhaps fighting for her life.  And so I ask you – I implore you – to stand with me, raise up your voice and break the silence.

While I may come from a family of four generations and counting . . . Still, I will not be silenced!

Each time we start the New Year, we face it with the hope that it will bring us joy, happiness and prosperity.  Sometimes we find this hope dissipates in a short order of time.  As hours turn into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, before we know it, another New Year is upon us.

This New Year, I’ve decided to take a different approach.  I’ve decided that instead of focusing on myself, I want to embrace a life of gratitude and good will for others.  I’m more interested in paying my blessings forward by inspiring other women to reach new heights.  To encourage them to live life to its fullest.  To motivate them to embrace a purposeful life.  To implore them to cut their losses, and move toward a higher level of expectancy.  To embolden them to make a new life for themselves and for their children. 
 
I like to believe that one day when I show up at the pearly gates of heaven, that Our Father will shine His beautiful rays upon my face, look me straight in the eyes and say:  My child . . .  I’d given you all you needed to live your life to its fullest – a life filled with joy, and peace, and love.  And you accepted this life.

Oftentimes, we strive to reach a height that has already been given to us. . .  a power that has already been bestowed upon us.  In the midst of daily madness, we forget we have an unwavering power that we were all born with and can utilize at any point in our lives.  And if only we take the time to acknowledge, accept, and embrace it – we will be able to move mountains and climb the highest stairways to heaven – right here on earth.

My New Year’s resolution?   To speak and teach and write about this inner power more courageously than ever.  To live well, to be well and to make a well life for myself and others.   And most importantly, to encourage those who are in an abusive relationship – of any kind – to start anew.  To start their children’s lives anew.  To forge a healthier life path for themselves and their children– emotionally, physically, and spiritually.   To teach women that by giving a new start to themselves and their children in this New Year, is to receive a lifetime of new years filled with joy, love, and grace.

Christmas is very special to me.  But not for the reasons that we’ve all come to appreciate.  Not because I love the frost bite of joy in the air; or the white dangling snow that covers the trees; or because of the smells of apple cider on Christmas morn.  No, Christmas holds a more sacred place in my heart for another reason.  It is filled with memories of long ago when I first made the choice to end a rollercoaster of abuse… and take back my joy.

I was once one of millions of women who on Christmas Day had to find a way to bring joy to her family, her children; all the while covering up the bruises that pinned her body and heart with pain.  Bruises that took away her joy, made Christmas feel more like a nuisance than a holiday of cheer, and gratitude, and faith. 

I remember a time when I had to put on the phony smiles, and fake pleasantries, just to carve my way through it all.  Well, one holiday season after living in fear for a few years, I decided ‘no more’… it was time for IT to end.  I deserved so much more… my new baby girl deserved better.  My D-day came at a time when I least expected – battered and bruised – but I had longed for this day and nothing could stop me – not even my fear. 

Years later, it was during the first Christmas that I had lived free of the abuse that I realized how much I had missed this glorious holiday.  And each year thereafter, as I unwrapped each gift, I was unwrapping a whole new life – a life without pain . . .  a life without shame . . . a life without fear – and I knew that I was experiencing a Christmas miracle – a new me!

Domestic violence tends to rise during the holidays.  If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, why don’t you call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE and give yourself or someone you know the gift of healing, peace and freedom.