Color Me Butterfly

I am ecstatic about 2009! With the onset of a new administration, the writing of my new novel, the launch of the Saving Promise Campaign brand, some personal goals I’ve embraced like learning to play the saxophone and taking a dance class, I am elated about what this year holds for me; and I can’t wait to get started.

Instead of embarking on a new year’s resolution, I’ve decided to try something different. My difference? To just live the life I want and not allow it to get sidetracked by a bountiful resolution that dissipates over time. If there is anything that I have come to understand at this stage of my life...it’s that life is too short and I must embrace and live it to its fullest.

In past years I’ve had my share of disappointments, setbacks, struggles, and pain; and each of those experiences served as a lesson learned –a lesson that has taught me that there is nothing worth sacrificing my joy. I’ve come to know that joy is priceless. It’s not a ‘big house’, a ‘fancy car’, a ‘diamond ring’... bling—the kind of bling that society tells us we need. Joy is simply a deeper understanding and form of happiness. It is nothing short of embracing what little time we all have left on this earth and honoring it.

Richard Wagner once said: “Joy is not in things, it is in us.”

Though we sometimes misconstrue this three letter word by allowing people, places and things to define it, we must be reminded of what true joy is. We must define our own joy.
My joy? There is nothing more important to me than just being able to hone in on and appreciate every facet of my life—whether it’s the air I breathe, the food I taste, a chapter I write, the man I love, a life I touch—it’s about honoring every matter, every moment, every morsel.

There is no greater word in our vocabulary, our hemisphere, our lives than the word joy. It is a word full of meaning, emotion, life. It is a word that can not be replaced by filling our lives with people and things that don’t really meet our deepest needs. It is a word that so many of us are in search of, but can not find. It is a word that we must embrace and honor if we are ever to live our truest lives.

There is no greater power of kinship, connectedness and affection than the power of Love. Love is the one constant in our universe that crosses all barriers, all cultures, all our lives. It represents a range of human emotions and experiences. It is diverse. It is complex. It is romantic. It is passionate. It is unconditional. It is madness. It is kind. It is infinite. It is Love.

You have the power to experience every facet of love—romantic love, companionship love, family love, spiritual love. Your heart has the propensity to give and receive immeasurable love. If you’ve given up on love, begin today to believe that love is possible for you, that you deserve to be loved—loved in ways that honors your wholeness—body, mind and spirit. Remember: love is the guidepost to our deepest self. Without love, we are a formless soul unable to connect to the very thing that gives our life meaning.

When your heart has been broken, your trust betrayed, your spirit crushed, and you’ve written off any possibilities of ever loving again, don’t go there. Don’t deny yourself the one thing that has the power to move mountains. Maybe you’ve been hurt, or maybe you come from a loveless family, or maybe you just don’t know how to love. Use those transgressions to strengthen and gain a deeper sense of self-love and compassion. You must escape the emotional bondage that has kept you from believing in love. You must rise above your circumstances. You must forgive those who have hurt you. You must let go of any ill-feelings. You must Believe in Love.

You deserve all the love your heart can hold. Don’t make the mistake of letting past transgressions or wrongdoings become ingrained in you. Don’t become conditioned to longing for less, living less, loving less.

I, for one, believe in every facet of love. I not only believe in it, I expect it. I try to surround my life with it. My greatest hope for me is to experience a love so deep that it leaves me breathless. Whether that love is self love, intimate love, spiritual love, or love of family.

There’s a song entitled ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?’ The answer? Everything. So what are you believing for today? I can only hope—LOVE.

There is no greater gift than the gift of gratitude. Gratitude is the most powerful force in the world. When we are grateful to God or to another human being, our lives are enriched, transformed. We become a magnetic force, attracting all things good into our lives—grace, abundance, happiness.

Gratitude improves every facet of our lives. Our emotional health. Our physical health. Our relationships. Our communities. Research has shown that gratitude is not merely a “giving” emotion, it can also change our lives. For example, in a recent study, those who maintained a weekly gratitude journal reported fewer physical ailments, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about their future.

Many of us constantly complain about what’s not right in our lives. We see the negative in every situation and then wonder why our lives are not fulfilling, fraught with bad circumstances, why we never get ahead. It’s because we have an ungrateful heart—we take our lives for granted.

Whenever you’re about to complain about your life—whether you have a job you don’t like, an old car, a small savings account or no savings at all—learn to appreciate and give thanks for what you do have.

We need to celebrate Thanksgiving every day. Give thanks for or keep a gratitude journal of all the things you are grateful for: I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my work. I am grateful for my dreams. I am grateful for the air I breathe, the food I eat, my health. Regardless of how big or small, the more you view life as a gift, the more you will come to appreciate it and your life will multiply.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for every aspect of my life. Words cannot describe the joy I have for everything that breaths life around me—whether it’s my health, my family, my friends, my work, the roof over my head, the air I breathe, the eyes that make a way for me to see, the ears that wraps around sound. There is not one single thing that I am not grateful for.

Gratitude is not just an attitude. It’s a lifestyle. It opens our hearts to the possibility of touching the lives of others. It reaches the pinnacle of life’s sacred force—joy. When we are grateful and give of ourselves, we experience the plateau of all that life has to offer.

This Thanksgiving, give thanks for every aspect of your life. Gratitude is, after all, the core to true happiness!

Throughout my life, I’ve found myself in situations that would just sometimes smash any ounce of joy I had. When I was in the thick of it, and my valley seemed low, and the road seemed too narrow and long, oftentimes, I was so ready to give up—wave the ‘red flag’ and surrender. But the interesting thing is that when I finally found the courage to stand up, dust myself off and move on, it was in those moments that I realized that what I thought was the worst time in my life, what I presumed to be the ‘end all-be all’, wasn’t that bad after all. In fact, it made me better.

So many times I’ve been there. So many times I thought it can’t get no worse. So many times I was ready to duck my head in the sand and breathe. But somehow, after 40+ years, I’ve learned to embrace those times and chalk them up as life lessons. I once heard someone say, if you expect a ‘big’ life with ‘big’ things and ‘big’ joy, then you must also expect ‘big’ drama and ‘big’ problems. You can’t think big, dream big, be big and not expect to have big life lessons.

Life may occasionally knock us down, but we must not allow ourselves to stay down. We must find the courage to get back up, strike a clean slate and move on. There was one very personal experience that has taught me this life lesson time and again. A few years back, I’d discovered a lump in my breast—a lump that I now refer to as my Saving Grace. You see, had it not been for that lump, I would have never found the courage to embrace my true life’s passion and purpose—to write Color Me Butterfly and to become a fortress in the fight against domestic violence. That lump that I once thought was intrusive, invasive and alarming, actually turned out to be the match that lit my torch. Had it not been for that lump, my voice, my greatest gift and joy, could have never come to life.

The idiom for a clean slate says: If you start something with a clean slate, then nothing bad from your past is taken into account. Effectively a clean slate means that you erase all that past stuff.

I so believe that. Not only do I believe, I often practice it in every facet of my life—from my promises to myself, to my commitments to others, in my relationships with my friends and family. Most of my family and friends (there are a few exceptions—smile) that will tell you that if I’ve put my word and heart on the line and promised that all is forgotten and forgiven, then by all means, it’s a clean slate. I do this not only to appease them, but more importantly, to honor me.

I believe that life is too short to live in the past. Life is too short to stress over what could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. Life is too short to not embrace every day as though it were your last.

Next time you find yourself at a crossroad, whether it’s a poor decision you made, a relationship gone bad, a medical issue, a job problem, a family issue—do as that idiom suggests—get up, dust yourself off, and strike a clean slate. After all life is too darn short. What do you have to lose?

I can’t even begin to describe what I felt the moment it was announced that Barack Obama had been elected President of the United States. Every cell in my body exhaled a breath that literally left me breathless. The first emotion that traveled through my body, mind, heart and spirit was nothing short of sheer awe.

Barack Obama doesn’t just represent history as the first African American to be elected, he represents something even more profound. He represents change—real change. A kind of change that is not only wanted but desperately needed. We are living in unimaginable times. A time where many of us are unemployed, homeless, without healthcare, without the basics to carry on from one day to the next. 

When I trail the grocery store, roam the mall, hang out at Starbucks, every pair of eyes I encounter seems to carry that same look—emptiness. It is as though we’ve all lost something—be it our job, our home, our joy. These past eight years have been littered with so much chaos, war and loss; and have been nothing short of utter havoc. I don’t care if you’re white, black, brown, yellow, blue or green; democratic, republican, independent or rebellious—it doesn’t matter... we all need change!

What is it that Barack Obama represents for me? He represents change. He represents hope. He represents courage. He represents the future.

Barack Obama not only forces me to think about what is it I can do... but what is it I cannot do...!